Almost a month has passed since A Different Road to Suffering. My friend’s cancer has brought out the worst in me. Selfishness sprouts from its ugly seed in my heart.
“You’re getting in the pool this summer,” she stated in her don’t argue with me tone.
“I’m too fat for a swimsuit.”
“You can wear shorts and a shirt.”
I roll my eyes.
Now lounging by the pool has been exchanged for lounging on the couch as chemo and the sun are not a good combination. This isn’t how I thought our summer would be.
So today I’m angry for myself. And I’m angry for her.
Angry she can’t be by the pool she loves soaking up the sun. Angry she can’t taste the foods she has always enjoyed. Forget the avos, almond milk and other anti-cancer suggestions. Bring on the Dunkin’ Donuts because each calorie counts in this battle and she needs every one of them. I’m angry for a cancelled vacation to the beach and her daughter’s events that she cannot attend.
I’m angry because most of the time I don’t know what to say. Because a part of me still can’t believe it.
And if I feel this way how much more does she? Does her family? Does others that love her?
Before her chemo last Friday she, her family and I had a great time of laughing and carrying on.
“For a moment I forgot why we are here,” she said.
So in the midst of today’s anger…I hope.
I hope for many more moments like that.