Impending Doom and Dad’s Diagnosis

yellow notebookUrban Dictionary defines “Impending Doom” as apprehension or a feeling that something bad is about to happen. For several weeks, I was hit with this feeling-a heaviness of spirit intermingled with thoughts that indeed something bad was about to happen. I questioned myself: Is it Dad? Is he going to have another heart attack? Is he going to fall again? Is it my Mom? Is Granny going to die? Is Doug, my husband, going to be hurt? What would we do without his income? What if it’s me? Over and over this heaviness came in waves. For those who have experienced it, you understand what I am talking about. Then something unrelated to my family or health issues occurred. It was dramatic to me and I assumed this event was it. The feeling of apprehension left and life continued on.

My Dad had been dealing with breathing issues for several months. He was finally diagnosed with COPD and put on medication. Yet, his breathing worsened. He was referred to a pulmonologist. She discovered some issues that needed further investigation. On October 6, 2018 my Dad had his first PET scan. Almost two weeks later, on October 17th, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. This was the impending doom. 

I suppose, just as there are stages of cancer, there are stages family members and friends go through with their loved one. I will be sharing my stages. Initially it was disbelief, only to be short-lived and quickly followed with a fighting spirit that says “We can beat this.”

I bought a little, yellow spiral notebook to record the future doctor visits. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to fill it with many visits. Cancer is funny that way. I call it “The Beast.” Some survive it, some don’t. Some can handle the chemotherapy and for some it is the chemo that kills them. In the end, we make our battle plan to fight this beast, but the Lord in His sovereignty still controls the outcome.

“All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and He does according to His will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay His hand or say to Him, “What have You done?”
-Daniel 4:35 ESV

To be continued.

 

My Mitten-Covered Hand in my Dad’s

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Come, Ghost of Christmas Past
Transport me to a little girl of six
Walking the streets of downtown St. Louis
Where bundled in my red coat
With white fur trim
My mitten-covered hand
Is held by my Dad’s.
Snow flurries dance
In gusts of wind
As we stand together
Before the Famous-Barr holiday windows.

Come, Ghost of Christmas Past
My memory is fleeting
In this now older mind.
Mom shops while Dad and I walk
To the line of eager children
Waiting for their turn on Santa’s lap.
Was this the year I told him
I wanted a Mrs. Beasley doll
and I got it?
Oh, “the shadows of things
that have been.”
Just let me feel
My mitten-covered hand
In my Dad’s once again.

 

Quoted text is from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.